Have you ever thought about what life would be like at a particular age, only to get there and think to yourself, oh, crap! Already? You then start scrambling through your rolodex of past dreams and goals and quickly come to the realization that you may not be where you expected?

I certainly have, and this morning was no different. Two years away from 30, I woke up reflecting on what got me to where I am today. And in all honesty, I attribute a lot of where I am today to the excitement I once had about “what life would be like” when I got here.

I talked a little bit about excitement  in my last post , but I want to dive a little deeper. I personally believe that we emit a certain energy when we get excited about a particular goal. We set our minds and hearts on something that we hope to achieve, focus deeply and begin to imagine what it would be like to realize it. That energy is put into the universe with a level of intensity that is so strong, our dreams have no other choice but to come true!

The first time someone tried to sell me on this idea, I quickly dismissed it. I was in my early 20s and going through a little bit of a rough patch. You know, the kind where you’re tripping over a guy, hiding from Sallie Mae, and ducking family and friends out of fear that they may ask the dreadful “what are you doing with your life” question – all at the same time? Yea … that was me. I was living in the “City of Dreams” but the distance from point A to Z seemed even further. My mind couldn’t conceive what life would be like at the end of the tunnel because I was buried under three feet of smog.

I had to change my thinking.

I learned that in order for me to reach my goals, I had to get excited about all the milestones along the way – however small they may have been. And here are three ways you can refresh the way you think about your goals.

#1: Protect Your PositivityYou can’t begin to conceive new dreams without a positive outlook on the possibilities. We can all stretch our minds and expand what we set our sights on by first surrounding ourselves with positive people.  Those who are also aiming for greatness can help you get excited about your goals. Let’s say you have that one friend who keeps trying to “ground” you. The one who always has something to say or always feels the need to offer up some “constructive criticism.” Do me a favor – if he/she hasn’t constructed anything, stop listening to it! I have no place for cynicism at 28, and you shouldn’t either! Carry on with your positive affirmations, goal-setting and excitement building!

#2: Dump The Data – Statistics say that 80% of Black women in America will be single until age 40.  Statistics also say that women will earn only 77 cents to every dollar a man makes. Are these numbers disappointing? Yes. Do you have to accept them as your truth? Absolutely not! Remember, your reality can be led by excitement. You have to truly believe that you can achieve it, and you will. Data shouldn’t trump possibility. Don’t let discouraging statistics about the likelihood of your success dictate what dreams you can get excited about. Dump the data and decide to be an outlier!

#3: Relish in Those Roses – This whole idea of excitement helping to propel you toward achieving your goals means that one day, you’ll eventually get there! And when you do, be sure to enjoy the moment. Too often, we focus so much on getting to the top of that staircase that we don’t take the time to look up and realize that we just completed another step along our journey there. Stop. Reflect. Celebrate. Whatever you do, take some time to get excited about your achievement. Relish a bit in those roses of emotion before moving on to the next goal!

27 was a crazy beautiful year for me. I made some critical business decisions, started a new relationship, came to a few personal realizations and got more focused than ever on my goals. This theory of excitement was a major part of that. Now, as I leap into my late 20s (I can’t believe I’m saying that!), I’m looking forward to conquering every personal and professional endeavor with hard work, a plan, but first and even more important – with excitement!

Cheers to a positive and fulfilling year! May your mind always be in overdrive …

I want to hear from you! What goals can you apply this theory of excitement toward?



About the Author

Comments 30

  1. Renae Roberts 11 MAY, 2016

    Hi there! Thank you so much for sharing your "Aha" moment! And shout out to the friend that helped you get on this path! I too am embarking on a New Journey in my life as I'll be turning 40 in less than two weeks! Eeeek! As you may be able to relate, getting older can bring about much anxiety as you reflect on where you are and whether or not you are satisfied with the progress you have made! Although I've made the choice to "embrace" my new chapter , I'm still not quite ready to shout from the mountain tops "Hey world, I'm 40"! LOL . Reading your email helped me to become even the more comfortable in the skin I'm in & realize the best is TRULY yet to come! #Exicited

    • Ngozi Opara
      Ngozi Opara 12 MAY, 2016

      Hey Renae! Thank you for reading and sharing your journey! It's not easy to have those moments of self reflection where we have to ask ourselves difficult questions, but what you said is one of the best starting points; becoming more comfortable with ourselves. The more comfortable I have become with who I am as a woman, the more real I get during those times of reflection. "Relishing in the Roses" has been so important for me especially when dealing with any sort of anxiety so I encourage you to continue to embrace your new chapter and get ready for all that "Forty and Fabulous" has to offer! The best is yet to come indeed! Best of luck :)

  2. SimonE 11 MAY, 2016

    Awesome Read!! I am in transition also and it was great to hear some encouragement to push forward towards happiness

    • Ngozi Opara
      Ngozi Opara 12 MAY, 2016

      Hey Simone! Thank you for reading! I wish you all the best during your time of transition and remember that happiness is a choice that you can fully embark on while you go through your journey, and by choosing to be consistently happy (regardless of whats on your current radar screen) you can reach your goals even quicker. Best of luck!

  3. Monique Norfus 11 MAY, 2016

    I would love to have updates on your blogs and events.

    • Ngozi Opara
      Ngozi Opara 12 MAY, 2016

      Hi Monique! I plan on posting here more regularly so stay tuned! Thanks for reading :)

  4. Erinn 11 MAY, 2016

    Thank you so much for this advice I needed it.I am so stuck on being afraid I'm thinking I'm afraid everything will work out as funny as that seems .I want to move to Arizona by the end of the year and just start a different path along with my son and daughter. I feel I am stuck where I am and I am not living my best life...again thank you for this motivation ❤️

    • Ngozi Opara
      Ngozi Opara 12 MAY, 2016

      Hey Erinn! Thank you for reading. Honestly, fear is something that has plagued me my whole life. It used to literally paralyze me and prevent me from doing anything (like any and EVERYTHING), but as cliche' as it may sound, I just decided to "feel the fear, and do it anyway" and thats how I've been able to get things accomplished since then. I just tell myself that fear of the undiscovered from never trying and fear of the unknown as you move forward, are all still fear so we might as well attempt to get what we want. We owe ourselves to at least try. Good luck in Arizina!

  5. Rosie 11 MAY, 2016

    Thank you so much for these words of encouragement. I'm a single mom that's constantly coming down On myself about the fact that I'm not where I should be at the age of 33. I have so many dreams that are overshadowed by doubt. I will keep you posted on my future success story. Again thank you for sharing!

    • Ngozi Opara
      Ngozi Opara 12 MAY, 2016

      Hi Rosie! Thank you for reading, and for sharing some of your story. One thing that has always helped me is getting rid of the element of time when thinking of where I "should" be. I literally just focus on getting excited about what life will look like when I'm there, but also focus on "feeling good right now". That could be anything from doing something to consistently keep you happy while you wait for clarity or something as simple as taking time to laugh at the little things. Whenever I am focused on having consistent good feelings, great things start happening so just keep focusing on what makes you happy right now until bigger/better things come. Best of luck :)

  6. Jeva 11 MAY, 2016

    I first want to say happy birthday Ngozi. Thank you for sharing this post it was spot on to the recent thoughts I have been having. I feel like you and I must have known each other in a past life lol you are so self motivated you remind me of myself. Im happy for you and seeing you do your thing is an inspiration to me. I'm interested in reading more from the Theory of Excitement. ( where can I get the CDs?) I definitely feel that I must protect my positivity and the things I can foresee happening. Some people with there limited views can and have been discouraging. Now I'm ready to just do it. No longer seeking approval or "permission" . Best to you in your 28th year

    • Ngozi Opara
      Ngozi Opara 12 MAY, 2016

      Hi Jeva! Thank you so much! Thats it right there (pursuit without permission)! The CDs were called "Your Wish is Your Command", but they aren't available to purchase anymore (sadly). I will definitely be putting out more info on this theory overtime (there's so much to share) so stay tuned! Thank you again for your kind words, and thank you for reading. All the best!

  7. AngIe 11 MAY, 2016

    I am subscribed to your email listing for HEATFREEHAIR mainly because I am natural and love how this hair allows me to be versatile with my hair. Now, I was not expecting to receive an email dropping bombs about life especially when it applies to my life. I just turned 24 years old and live in Los Angeles. For the past 4 years I have been battling depression, the kind of depression where I like to isolate myself from everyone but pretend like everything is good but cry every time I'm alone. Towards the end of last year, I finally acknowledged that I had depression and started to seek change. I made some necessary changes to regain my happiness and started thinking about the next step in life. This thinking led to a great idea about a business. I told a few people about the idea and did research on how to turn an idea into a business. Fast forward to now, I am no longer investing my time into my business and still searching for my purpose in life. I Allowed people's negative energy and the fear of failure to stop me from something I am passionate about. In life, I believe everything happens for a reason and it was meant for me to read your email/ blog post at the exact time I did. I'm going to ignite my FIRE and get EXCITED. Thank you so much I really needed to hear that. Enjoy your birthday

    • Ngozi Opara
      Ngozi Opara 12 MAY, 2016

      Hey Angle! Wow, thank you for sharing your story. First and foremost, know that you're not alone in how you felt. I literally disappeared to the point where not even my family knew where I was while I was going through post-college depression and I too was living in a new city trying to figure it all out. Sometimes when everything seems like its going wrong, you have no choice but to look up and that's when some of the best ideas come from so I'm happy that you were able to turn a tough into a great idea. When it comes to ideas, sometimes its the right idea at the wrong time so who knows, maybe things wouldn't have worked out back then but with you ignoring the naysayers and getting excited only good things can come from your new mindset! Best of luck :)

  8. Akua Boachie 11 MAY, 2016

    Ngozi: Firstly, Happy Birthday! May God continue to bless your life and prosperity. Thank you for writing this. I have been having a rough 7 months and this really helped me. I have always tried to live by similar principles, but when life prunes you from left to right, keeping a positive mindset is so much easier said than done. This just reaffirmed that I need to keep it up. I do believe that what you put into the universe will boomerang back to you. I just need to keep striving like I said I would continue to do. Thanks for the positive words. It really helped boost my mood. Peace and continued blessings!

    • Ngozi Opara
      Ngozi Opara 13 MAY, 2016

      Hey Akua! Thank you for reading and sharing some of what you're dealing with. Honestly, keeping positive is difficult, but if you adopt the principle of "Feel good right now" then you focus on creating happiness one moment at a time. For me, sometimes "Feel Good Right Now" really is "Feel Better Right Now" which could be feeling bad because feeling bad is better than feeling absolutely horrible. Once I conquer feeling bad, I focus on feeling "just okay" because Okay is better than Bad. I keep doing this until absolutely horrible becomes amazing, but its hard to do so when your down and out so just focus on thinking/feeling a little better and then let things grow from there. Best of luck!

  9. Ariana 11 MAY, 2016

    My ultimate goal is to become a millionaire with my online coaching business. I also want to write a memoir about my life and tour around schools teaching young women to reach for the stars. I am excited about all of those things! When you are protecting the positivity, did you find the need to keep things to yourself ?

    • Ngozi Opara
      Ngozi Opara 13 MAY, 2016

      Hey Ariana! Those are some awesome goals there! I feel like I was blessed so that I can bless others so I try to share freely, however you can't give people everything at once. Everyone's journey is different so I always encourage people to find what works for them while I share bits and pieces of my journey as encouragement along the way. Good luck on all your goals :)

  10. kea 11 MAY, 2016

    I am So so so very proud of you and your accomplishments and you spirit . You move me to become better. Thank you for sharing your pilgrimage with your supporters. I pray you more,and more good.

    • Ngozi Opara
      Ngozi Opara 13 MAY, 2016

      Thank you so much Kea! That truly means a lot to me :)

  11. Ikndi 11 MAY, 2016

    Ngozi, I needed this! Having work in social services for over 10 years I recently set my mind on a new endeavor of starting a mentoring program. The excitement that accompanied the novelty of the idea was intoxicating. But Ive started feeling like its such a daunting task, as the doubt looms. This post could not have come at a better time. Thank you for sharing! Wishing you continued success and a phenomenal TWO POINT EIGHT! I will keep you posted on my new program ;)

    • Ngozi Opara
      Ngozi Opara 13 MAY, 2016

      Hey Ikndi! Thank you so much! I definitely understand the pains of looming doubt, but I just try not to give it any power/energy and focus on all the great things that could come from me pressing on. I know it'll work out for you, and wish you ease of mind and plenty of excitement along the way!

  12. Yolanda Barker 11 MAY, 2016

    Thank you very much Ngozi. This message really means a lot. I as a single mother have and currently face several disappointments but now I am grateful and look at them as a learning path. I was laid off of my full time job due to out sourcing and instantly knew it was GOD telling me to pursue my event planning which totally makes me extremely happy. I said well no one knows you, where's the money going to come, how are you going to market? These questions have been answered by pure faith. Reading your story and life's adventures reassures as you succeeded I will also. HAPPY 28TH BIRTHDAY AND ANOTHER WONDERFUL SUCCESSFUL YEAR. Thank you for being such an inspiration. Grateful, Yolanda

    • Ngozi Opara
      Ngozi Opara 13 MAY, 2016

      Thank you so much for your well wishes Yolanda, and thank you for always being a Heat Free Hair supporter! Your story definitely sounds like a blessing in disguise and often times we are made uncomfortable to really push us to stretch to ourselves as we walk in our purpose so I'm excited for you! Best of luck :)

      • Yolanda Barker 13 MAY, 2016

        Thank you very much. Your always welcome. I'll be needing bundle 5 next week ha. You are an inspiration and I have a great birthday. ❤💐

  13. Demetrice Smith 11 MAY, 2016

    This theory of excitement can and should definitely be applied to the unknown. We are natural producers and are headed into one of the most supernatural times of our lives, so we should exhale, relax, expect and become excited about what shall be. I recently started a mental health forum and it has been one of the most purposed things I have ever done. I did not know my years of dealing with depression were preparing me to not only share my story, but to empower others to take their masks off and live a life of freedom and without stigma. And..as you have said, full of excitement and expectation. It's time.

    • Ngozi Opara
      Ngozi Opara 13 MAY, 2016

      Amen, Demetrice. Thats it!

  14. Malecia 11 MAY, 2016

    Great post Ngozi! I can definitely relate to being 27 and having a very challenging year while at the same time witnessing the growth in how I've handled those situations. I've learned a lot about myself and realized that when it comes to certain things I'm set in my ways (which for the most part is good). You see I'm a music fanatic and have always wanted to be involved with music in some way. I went from singing, to songwriting, to producing to now blogging. I get such joy from doing my blog every week and incorporating shows that it helps me stay in tune with new music and the artistic community within the DMV area. I've come a long way from being the shy girl in high school to a social butterfly that has evolved and spread her wings. At 28, (birthday is May 18th- so shoutout to a fellow Taurus and Aggie alumni, Aggie Pride) I hope to reach new heights with my blog in new creative ideas and expression. I know what I want and have dreams I hope to achieve even if I have to make the pathway there. Thanks for the encouraging words and congrats on all that you've achieved!

  15. Onyinye Iwu 12 MAY, 2016

    I'm so happy to read this blog. I complete understand and agree with what you said, i apply many of these theories to my career goals, I have learnt to move away from negative and people who do not share my success aspirations or settle for mediocrity. You tend to become a mirror of the people you surround yourself with. Working on my own goal setting and having time to be on my own has greatly improved my drive. What does keep me going is reading blogs like this, listening to TED talks and going to inspiring events. They keep my excitement up! Well done on what you have achieved so far, you are truly a role model.

  16. Norasia 14 MAY, 2016

    Yay, Birthday twin, Happy Belated!! These are great words of advice. Definitely something I will take with me to remember as I enter my early twenties.

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